The Hard Days
We have all had them. The days that go on forever.
The ones where we are needed, and needed and needed with no space to think, to process, to breathe.
I have those days often. My patience is worn thin by the loud voices, the endless housework, the interrupted sleep.
This was one of those days. We had all just recovered from an illness. The mountains of laundry still awaited. I was menstruating. I was damn tired from the night nursing. The list goes on.
And we had a photoshoot scheduled.
Which I nearly cancelled at least 10 times.
When I was yelling at my son for the millionth time to either do something or stop doing something.
When I realized that some of my favorite outfits no longer fit me in a way that I enjoyed.
When I realized that my son had taken a growth spurt and his clothes were either too small or too big.
But I didn't.
Because I was hoping and praying that she could capture some of the beauty that I see in my family.
Because as a solo parent, I rarely have photos of me WITH my children.
Because sometimes, going out and forcing a smile, makes it easier to find a real one.
In this picture, I was nearly crying because the sweetness of it made my heart ache. This relationship is a challenging one for me. (But also immensely rewarding.)
Some of it is the extreme differences in our personalities.
Some of it is the demands of owning a business, working several jobs, managing it all mostly on my own.
Some of it is my own mental state, my tiredness, my anxiety.
At the end of the days, all of the easy ones and all of the hard ones, I would never, ever, ever in a million years, even consider changing my life as it is now.
These children, that I dreamed of, that I longed for, that I love with nearly every fibre of my being, they will continue to test me.
They will continue to push my buttons, to find the spots within me that need to be exposed to the light so that I can grow.
They will continue to teach me and to find the tenderness, the love, the wisdom, the dedication and the truths that I have inside. (And I with them, I pray.)
Photo Credit to the amazing Edgewood Studios.
We are so grateful for the magic in the mess!